Im glad todays about to be over.
Today is one of the worst days of my life.
I hated today.
Ok hate is a strong word.
But yeah I didnt like today. Not at all.
The best way my day started off was when I was being questioned for something I didnt know at all.
Nobody told me.
Nobody okay?
HAHA OH YEAH I FORGOT NOBODY REALLY CARES.
Ok so maybe everyone cares about their own freakin survival.
Why should they even care about you dood crazy girl.
Shit I really seriously hated today okay?
Fug my stress level was like at its peak again.
HAHA Why am I not surprised? Hm.
HAHA It actually has always been at its peak since this year.
Im frigging trying to tell myself to take it easy and take one step at a time.
Slowly but surely.
I know that I can do it.
But hey do you know smth?
Im kinda going bonkers soon.
No Joke.
You tell me the outside working world is like that?
Wow heyheyhey I dont really care about the working world now cuz Im in school.
But heyheyhey do you know my limit?Its there before I just explode into bits and pieces. Everyone has their own limits, including you.
Yeh you tell me its gona take time for me to settle in. The pressure, the competition.
But time? Time and tide wait for no man. You think the world will wait for me?
Hell no. Nobody will wait for me, including you. So what crap are you talking about seriously.
Time? I dont have time. I dont have any time for myself to settle in, do you understand?
Not at all.
Dont tell me to be patient. I cant be patient. I need everything to be fast. Chopchop.
Do you think I can afford to be patient?
Hell no dood
You tell me that leaders should be able to cope and all sorts of crap. You tell me that we can take all shit that comes into our way. But heyheyhey, I am just human okay? Pure human. Not some child prodigy. Not any superhero. You think I can take all the storms? Hell no again alright. Not like you can either.
You know something.
Today I finally realised whats getting me so worked up, stressed and frustrated.
Its not really about the commitments I have.
Its more of the expectations that people and I have for myself.
I dont like letting people down.
Ever since this year one tiny little mistake can kill me inside and spoil my whole freakin day. And I'll feel completely bad and guilty. I'll keep questioning myself. But is that how am I supposed to live each day? Hell no. Why am I so afraid to make mistakes? Im not afraid of scoldings or punishments. Its just the expectations.
Really.
Too high for me to reach.
I cant cope with them.
What else? Hahahaha the smartasses.
I always have been trying my best putting in all effort to study hard for every test.
Your bad is always a B3/A2.
HAHA but for me as long as I have improved from my previous score and didnt fail, I am actually very satisfied.
But do you know whenever Im satisfied, you guys just want higher scores from me. Average is like much higher than my "improved" score. Hahahahahahaha I feel demoralised everytime. Every single time.
But being in that environment I just cant help but compare myself to you. I just cant help it. When you do well and excel, people curse and say youre really such a smartass and etc but do they know that sometimes you need a lil luck? Okay maybe only I need a lil luck in acing not you since you are smart ever since the day you were born. And when you dont do well, they comfort you and tell you its okay. But IT IS NOT OKAY. DO YOU KNOW THAT IT IS NEVER OKAY?!?!?! Fug shit If you were the one who did below average would you be feeling okay??!?!?!? Hell no.
Anyway I havent been studying properly and seriously so I bet youre rejoicing now.
Well be happy.
But not for too long.
Cause Im going to prove you wrong.
Every single one of you who ever once looked down on me.
Anyway Im a sad girl.
I think I'll be a sad girl this week.
Being packed with homework homework and more homework.I have a long list of things to be done.
Sorry to anybody if I happen to be rude and forget to reply your text/answer your call/reply you on msn.
I'll appreciate it if you can just try to brighten my day by saying/texting something encouraging or even by just lending me a helping hand in my work.
Because really.
I am losing faith.
Everything is really messy now. My brain but not my heart. My heart has got nothing to say. Its been pumping blood really fast though. I will survive this week I know I can. One step at time. Okay maybe two.
Today is one of the worst days of my life.
I hated today.
Ok hate is a strong word.
But yeah I didnt like today. Not at all.
The best way my day started off was when I was being questioned for something I didnt know at all.
Nobody told me.
Nobody okay?
HAHA OH YEAH I FORGOT NOBODY REALLY CARES.
Ok so maybe everyone cares about their own freakin survival.
Why should they even care about you dood crazy girl.
Shit I really seriously hated today okay?
Fug my stress level was like at its peak again.
HAHA Why am I not surprised? Hm.
HAHA It actually has always been at its peak since this year.
Im frigging trying to tell myself to take it easy and take one step at a time.
Slowly but surely.
I know that I can do it.
But hey do you know smth?
Im kinda going bonkers soon.
No Joke.
You tell me the outside working world is like that?
Wow heyheyhey I dont really care about the working world now cuz Im in school.
But heyheyhey do you know my limit?Its there before I just explode into bits and pieces. Everyone has their own limits, including you.
Yeh you tell me its gona take time for me to settle in. The pressure, the competition.
But time? Time and tide wait for no man. You think the world will wait for me?
Hell no. Nobody will wait for me, including you. So what crap are you talking about seriously.
Time? I dont have time. I dont have any time for myself to settle in, do you understand?
Not at all.
Dont tell me to be patient. I cant be patient. I need everything to be fast. Chopchop.
Do you think I can afford to be patient?
Hell no dood
You tell me that leaders should be able to cope and all sorts of crap. You tell me that we can take all shit that comes into our way. But heyheyhey, I am just human okay? Pure human. Not some child prodigy. Not any superhero. You think I can take all the storms? Hell no again alright. Not like you can either.
You know something.
Today I finally realised whats getting me so worked up, stressed and frustrated.
Its not really about the commitments I have.
Its more of the expectations that people and I have for myself.
I dont like letting people down.
Ever since this year one tiny little mistake can kill me inside and spoil my whole freakin day. And I'll feel completely bad and guilty. I'll keep questioning myself. But is that how am I supposed to live each day? Hell no. Why am I so afraid to make mistakes? Im not afraid of scoldings or punishments. Its just the expectations.
Really.
Too high for me to reach.
I cant cope with them.
What else? Hahahaha the smartasses.
I always have been trying my best putting in all effort to study hard for every test.
Your bad is always a B3/A2.
HAHA but for me as long as I have improved from my previous score and didnt fail, I am actually very satisfied.
But do you know whenever Im satisfied, you guys just want higher scores from me. Average is like much higher than my "improved" score. Hahahahahahaha I feel demoralised everytime. Every single time.
But being in that environment I just cant help but compare myself to you. I just cant help it. When you do well and excel, people curse and say youre really such a smartass and etc but do they know that sometimes you need a lil luck? Okay maybe only I need a lil luck in acing not you since you are smart ever since the day you were born. And when you dont do well, they comfort you and tell you its okay. But IT IS NOT OKAY. DO YOU KNOW THAT IT IS NEVER OKAY?!?!?! Fug shit If you were the one who did below average would you be feeling okay??!?!?!? Hell no.
Anyway I havent been studying properly and seriously so I bet youre rejoicing now.
Well be happy.
But not for too long.
Cause Im going to prove you wrong.
Every single one of you who ever once looked down on me.
Anyway Im a sad girl.
I think I'll be a sad girl this week.
Being packed with homework homework and more homework.I have a long list of things to be done.
Sorry to anybody if I happen to be rude and forget to reply your text/answer your call/reply you on msn.
I'll appreciate it if you can just try to brighten my day by saying/texting something encouraging or even by just lending me a helping hand in my work.
Because really.
I am losing faith.
Everything is really messy now. My brain but not my heart. My heart has got nothing to say. Its been pumping blood really fast though. I will survive this week I know I can. One step at time. Okay maybe two.
